


ITB

by Darkchrisbarrieblood



Category: Chris Barrie - Fandom
Genre: 1971, Character Suicide, Depression, Other, Regrets, trouble in ireland
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 05:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4775561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkchrisbarrieblood/pseuds/Darkchrisbarrieblood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story into Chris' child hood. When Craig asks Chris how he can play Rimmer so well whilst they are in Belfast, the story of what happened when he was younger comes out</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dorms

**Author's Note:**

> References to suicides. I know nothing about what happened in Ireland exactly but it is my interpretation

As night began to fall onto the Methodist Boarding school, the Second year students were busy trying to get to sleep. Tomorrow was the practice day before the fitness trials set by the boarding school.  
The majority of the east dormitories were full of sleeping boys, except for Dorm 2. Four of the six boys were wide awake, staying up as late as they could to fake illnesses.  
The four boys were all standing around the large balcony windows at several other older students who were testing their motorbikes.   
“Ooh, look at Christopher and Douglas being goody-two shoes-es, preparing for tomorrow!” one of the older boys jeered to the others.   
Chris and Douglas were friends, both wanting to get to sleep to drown out the noise the boys were making. Realising that he wouldn’t be able to sleep easily, Chris glanced up at the celling from his bed and sighed. Why couldn’t they be sensible? He had been looking at the celling for that long, that he noticed that the light above his bed had begun to be taken over by a spider’s web.  
‘ _Cleaning will be soon then.’_  
Then, the boys had moved from the window over to Chris’ friend Douglas’ bed. Douglas was a quiet boy, like Chris, but had suffered from bullying since he got there. Chris was safe in that sense, his older brother protected Chris from most of the bullying there.   
Chris sat up and listened to the other boy’s conversation. It was about Douglas and him getting upset when they performed a climbing exercise in Physical Education.   
“And there was Douglas, crying like a baby…” one of the boys began, laughing with the other boys. Chris knew that Douglas was severely scared of heights and that was the reason why he cried. Chris would have cried too, but not with all those people watching; he needed to keep his father’s reputation of proud, strong and strict.   
He could tell douglas was upset from what he could see of him in the low lighting. Douglas was curled up in bed and head in his hands, trying to drown out the hurtful comments he could hear them jeering.   
Chris took a deep breath and got out of bed and towards Douglas. All the boys watched as Chris walked across the room. The ringleader, the oldest boy then  drew the attention from Chris to a young couple outside the dorm. She was truanting, but the teachers never seemed to care.   
He breathed a sigh of relief, ‘ _no need for a fight. Still, I’d be no good anyway.’_ Chris watched as they all got closer to the window and called out of it.   
walked over to the window and called out of it. Chris assumed it was one of two things. Either some boys were going to town to buy some food and supplies or, one of the boys was with their girlfriend. After a while, Chris heard bikes being revved up, so he assumed some students were going to town. _  
_ Whilst bikes were not his thing and he knew that they shouldn’t be out at this time, the sound of the engines somewhat soothed Chris. He blamed his father for that in one way, being brought up in a barracks.   
As the other boys were distracted by the truants, Chris took the time to speak to Douglas. He still seemed scared.   
Chris sat at the side of Douglas’ bed.   
“Hey Douglas.”  
Douglas looked up from his hands and noticed Chris there, “Oh, hey Christopher, you aren't here to beat me up are you?"  
“Of course not," Chris smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Anyway, I’m no good at violence. You know me.”   
For a moment, Douglas smiled, but then, his emotion changed, he seemed timid,“So, the fitness trials tomorrow, you ready for them?”   
"Well, kind of. I mean I am really going to try and do good this time." Chris said, kind of bigging himself up, “are you?”  
“Not really” Douglas sighed,  
"Oh?" Chris asked, he usually had the same enthusiasm as him. Maybe he had been mean to him.  
Douglas looked around nervously and then got out of bed. Chris got up too and followed him towards the door.   
“Douglas?” Chris asked, wondering what he was doing?  
“I need to show you something.” Douglas whispered and left.  
Chris followed, curiously. He felt somewhat nervous however, they were not usually allowed out of their dorms after curfew.   
"Hey, wonder where they are going?" One of the older boys jeered.  
"Maybe they love each other!" the other one laughed and began making kissing noises at them as they left.  
Chris turned around, ‘ _what a load of idiots’._


	2. Showers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Douglas shows something to Chris in the showers

"Why we here Douglas, we may get caught." Chris said, nervously entering the shower block. It was dark and somewhat scary at night. He could hear water dripping from one of the far showers. ‘ _This is the kind of place where people get murdered’_ Chris thought briefly.  
Douglas turned on the lights. They flickered and seemed brighter than normal.  
“Doug, people are going to see them, the tutors patrol at night.”  
“I don’t care, I have to show you these.” Douglas said and took off his t-shirt.  
His entire torso was bruised and cuts dotted his back and front,  
Chris cringed slightly, “are these from the others?”  
Douglas nodded and replaced his shirt, “well, sort of.”  
“Why don’t you tell someone about it Doug, this is bad.” Chris exclaimed, perhaps a bit too loud.  
“Because your father may ask what they are and, well, then I may have to get moved. Plus, I don’t want to cause a fuss.”  
“Why not?!” Chris said forcefully,  
“Because, because I will be made fun of anywhere I go.” Douglas sighed,  
“Why?”  
“It’s just me. My family, I have no father and my mother isn’t very well off. ”  
“Let me do something Doug, we can both be moved. They are doing this to you every day and its wrong. Please let me tell them, at least my brother.”  
“No!” Doug shouted and got onto the floor, “Please don’t.”  
Chris sighed, he wanted to help him so badly but, he wanted to do what his friend wanted.  
“I, I know you mean well, but please, not even your brother. He’s a prefect. He may still tell the tutors.”  
"Alright Douglas, I won’t tell him, but please, if it gets worse, let me." Chris said and hugged him.  
After they had hugged for about a minute and Douglas has replaced his shirt, they heard the door open and a torch light shined in Chris’ face. It was one of the tutors.  
"What are you two doing in here. You know the curfew. No truanting outside the dormitories after 8 o’clock.”  
“yes sir,” Chris said and stood attentively. Doug turned around and stood beside Chris.  
“We thought we left something in here earlier sir,” Douglas said nervously, shaking slightly. He was scared that the tutor would shout at him.  
Then, the tutor noticed Douglas’ black eyes,  
“Douglas, what happened to your eye?”  
“Oh, nothing sir,” he said, glancing over at Chris nervously,  
The tutor then turned on Chris, “Christopher, was it you?”  
“No sir. I wouldn’t hurt him sir.” Chris said, still standing attentively ‘ _It was the others’_  
“I did hear a shout come from in here a few moments a go, are you sure nothing happened Douglas.” The tutor said, continuing to stare daggers at Chris,  
“Sir, I assure you it wasn’t me.” Chris said again. ‘ _It was the others, it was the others, please help him.’_  
“Hmm” the tutor said, still confused and suspecting Chris of hurting Douglas, “Well, I guess I better get you two back to your dorm then.”  
“Okay.” Douglas said, racing out of the shower block, pushing Chris out of the way.  
The tutor stopped Chris before he left,  
“Christopher, I don’t know what happened here or why you were in here, but don’t think just because your father and brother are highly praised here that you can take advantage.”  
“I know sir.” Chris sighed, ‘ _I would never do that anyway sir, what do you think I am?’_  
The tutor turned off the lights in the dorm and let Chris go to his dorm.  
Chris raced down the field to catch up with Douglas.  
“Doug, wait up.” Chris called out, seeing his silhouette by the door.  
Douglas stopped and waited,  
‘ _Well, at least I’m getting more practice’_ Chris thought to himself as he got to where Douglas was.

As they walked back to their dorm, Douglas hugged Chris as they got to the bottom of the staircase, "Thanks."  
"It’s okay Doug, but you must tell them some time. They could really hurt you one day." Chris said, looking around them to see if anyone was waiting for them,  
“I know but,” Douglas sighed and the two of them walked up the staircase to their Dorm.  
As Chris walked over to his bed, he noticed the older boys waiting by the window. Suspiciously, he got into bed and sat up, glancing at Douglas as he got into bed.   
One of the older boys then turned around and noticed them,  
"Hey boys, the lovers are back."  
Chris sighed, lay down and covered his face with his pillow. ‘ _Why are they so immature? Can’t they see they’re hurting him?’_


	3. Douglas and Olaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris meets an old friend who does not recognise him...

Sunlight and alarm clocks bled into the room as morning had finally come. As Chris managed to wake himself up, the glanced over at Douglas' bed. He was still sleeping. Chris was the first boy awake, as usual. He looked around him at all the sleeping bodies in the dorm.  
The other boys seemed very peaceful when they were asleep; not mean and angry, but calm and quiet. He wondered how they all were at home; wondering whether they were both mean and loud around their parents.   
But they asleep for long; the other boys quickly woke up and turned their alarms off. Most of them seemed pale and would be too tired to perform today; exactly what they planned.  
As the boys woke up slowly, Chris walked quietly over to the door to try to get out. He wanted to see his father before rollcall so he could explain what happened last night. But before he could get out, a tutor stormed in; it was Mr Henderson. Mr Henderson wore circular rimmed glasses which perched at the end of his nose and held his clipboard close to his chest. He was a history teacher and was very strict, but seemed to get on alright with Chris.   
“Aah, leaving early Christopher?” he asked Chris as he walked back towards his bed. _‘He knows about yesterday.’_  
“Yeah, where you going now?” The ringleader mocked, coughing weakly afterwards to back up his ‘illness’.  
Rollcall was earlier today, probably so the boys could practice.   
“Right.” Mr Henderson said, tapping his pen on the side of the clipboard.   
The other boys groaned and slipped out of their beds; feebly standing attention.  
Chris’ name was the only ‘sir’ that was clear and loud enough to be heard.   
When the tutor reached Douglas, there was silence.   
“Douglas?” Mr Henderson said firmer,   
Chris glanced over at Douglas’ bed to see whether he was sleeping; he saw no movement.  
“Douglas!” the tutor shouted. Still no answer.  
The tutor then ripped the covers of the bed and revealed a pile of pillows arranged down the bed.  
Everyone gasped and looked at Chris angrily.  
“Christopher, do you have anything to do with this? I heard that you and Douglas truanted last night.”  
“No, I have nothing to do with this. We both came back to the dorm. Mr Hendrix walked us back.” Chris said, hiding his worry.   
“And did he go anywhere after they came back?” Mr Henderson addressed the others.  
“No, we saw nothing. We saw Christopher go to sleep and then that was it.”  
“Any idea where he would have gone?” The tutor asked Chris,  
“I don’t know sir.” Chris sighed and looked over at his bed, ‘ _Where are you?_ ’

Then, an officer in a blue entered the dorm “Christopher, you father wants to see you.”  


Chris anxiously waited outside his father's office. Had he done anything wrong? Was it news about Douglas?   
“Wait here a sec.” The officer said and knocked and entered. After a few minutes, the officer came back.  
“Go on in then. It’s nothing bad.” The officer smiled, and then walked back down the hall.  
Chris knocked and entered the office. It wasn’t just his father’s office, it was the other officers which came to visit the school, but Chris’ father used it the most.   
Bookcases surrounded the room choc-full with books.  
He never knew what the books were about or why they were there as no one stayed in the office long. Chris’ brother was also in the room, standing by his father’s desk. ‘ _What is he doing here? Has something happened?’  
_ His father stood to meet his son.  
“Morning Christopher.” His father said calmly,  
“Morning Dad.” Chris replied, yawning internally, standing attentively.   
“Sit Chris.” Chris’s father beckoned to the chair in front of him.  
Chris sat, keeping up the formalities. Chris’ brother on the other hand had moved to the door and leaned against it.  
As Chris sat, he noticed a letter on the desk. The header mentioned something about a foreign student coming to the school. ‘ _Foreign student?’_  
Then, the officer from before knocked and entered the room, Chris’ brother moving from the door.   
The officer then announced the two boys he entered in with, “Sir, this is Olaf and Otto Jameson, the two new students’.  
The smaller brother, Olaf, seemed to be a similar age to Chris and seemed somewhat familiar to Chris.   
“Thanks.” Chris’ father said and the officer left.  
Chris’s father walked over to the two boys and beckoned for Chris to follow him. “Christopher, this is Olaf. His brother is a friend of your brothers so I thought you two might want to get acquainted.”  
The boy seemed to find this whole situation very weird. The brother of Olaf went over to Chris’ brother and they greeted one another.   
“You know, you two have already been friends before, but you have forgotten. You two played together when you were about one-year-old. He was in the same barracks as us.” Chris’ father said,  
Olaf looked at Chris strangely, like he thought that Chris was an alien.  
Chris presented his hand and said hello, but he didn’t react. He crossed his hands and looked at Chris’ father. ‘ _How were we friends, he doesn’t even want to greet me’  
_ Chris’ father noticed the awkwardness between them, “Oh, it’s okay, I will let you two get acquainted as soon as Christopher’s training has finished. Who knows, you two may be a good team like your brother and Otto were Christopher.” ‘ _He’s always comparing me with him, why is it always him? Why can’t I be me?’  
_ Then, another officer stormed into the room, “Sir, Douglas McDonald is missing. He wasn’t in his Dorm and no one can find him in the grounds.”   
“What?” Chris’ father replied, shocked and slammed his hands on the table.   
“He wasn’t present for rollcall this morning and no one has any clue where he went.”  
“Oh,”  
“We do know one thing; he and another student were spotted truanting last night. Maybe they have run off together.”  
Chris sighed, “sir, that student was me, so that statement is not entirely true.”  
“But you truanted?” Chris’ father asked,  
Chris nodded ‘ _Now I’m in for it.’_  
Olaf watched silently,  
“Well, what were you doing with him?” Chris’ father asked forcefully,   
“He wanted to show me something. Something very private.” Chris said, feeling his heart sink, he promised he wouldn’t tell,  
“Like what?”   
“His injuries” Chris said, hopefully not giving too much away,  
“Who did them? Himself?”  
“No, some other people are bullying him?” Chris lied ‘ _Yes, yes, the others are bullying him and I think he did them himself.’_  
“Who?” Chris’ father asked, bending down to his level,  
“I, I don’t know.” Chris sighed, trying hard not to say.  
Alright, we will keep an eye out for him.  Officers will search the perimeter as you get ready for this afternoons trials. Olaf, I will explain the school’s situation once Chris has gone.”  
Chris left the room, alone. He glanced back at Otto and his brother. ‘ _Why are they so good together? Why did Olaf forget me?’_


	4. Trial1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris has to perform a running trial, when it is disturbed by something

The cold air whipped around Chris’ legs and arms as he raced across the field to join his class. They were all about to have a practice run before the trials this afternoon. As Chris raced, getting out of breath, he noticed the other members of his dorm drinking and smoking by the gates. They didn't have to dress in shorts like he did.  
Chris sighed, how could they get away with all this? He knew if he tried it his father would have a go at him and say ‘ _You are meant to give everyone a good example Christopher, like your brother has done.’_  
‘ _Why can’t I just be me? Why can’t I be me?’_ Chris thought, getting to his class.  
He glanced over at the boys truanting, still drinking and smoking.  
True, Chris didn’t want to drink alcohol or smoke as he knew how bad it was, but being bad seemed so much fun.  
After exercising with his class for around 10 minutes, Chris noticed some police officers at the end of the field, next to one of the gates. As Chris looked harder, there seemed to be a hole here.   
' _Is that were you are?'_   
“Christopher, pay attention!” The teacher bellowed, tapping Chris on the head fairly hard.  
“Yes sir.” Chris replied feebly and joined in with the activity. ' _Where are you?'_

All the classes in Chris' year now had to run around the play field twice as part of their testing. Chris didn’t understand the point of these tests; he didn’t want to be in the army anyway.  
As Chris' class ran, he glanced over at the group of boys that were truanting. They had been caught by Chris' father. He smiled and carried on running.   
When the classes reached the area the police officers were, they were asked to go round it. Chris panted and stayed by a tree nearby the area.   
Chris noticed Mr Henderson nearby the gate and sighed. ' _He's probably telling them I truanted with him'_  
"Christopher? Is that you?" Mr Henderson asked, walking over towards him. Several of the other boys running stopped a moment and watched.  
"Yes sir." Chris replied, out of breath.  
"Come with me a second." He said, beckoning him.  
Chris did so and watched as the other boys raced ahead. ' _They’re probably going to spread rumours about me now.'_  
As Chris followed Mr Henderson, he stopped next to the officers.  
"This is Christopher, Douglas' friend I was telling you about."  
One of the officers, a female, knelt down to talk to him.  
"You truanted last night with him didn’t you?"  
Chris nodded, not wanting to speak to her,  
"Did you go here?" She said, pointing at the hole in the fence.  
"No ma'am, we didn’t. I’ve never been in there before." Chris said, impatient. He wanted to find him badly.  
"Has he been there before?"  
"I don’t know." Chris replied,  
"Okay, well, do you think you could perhaps go and see if he is there?"  
Chris seemed confused,  
"Erm, well," he began  
"Don’t worry, I will tell them you were helping the police here. It won’t affect you."  
"Okay." Chris said and went through the hole.  
"If you see him shout okay?"


	5. Finding Douglas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris looks for Douglas...

As Chris came away from the school grounds, he began to get very nervous. He had heard rumours about this place; that it was haunted by a school girl that was murdered here. Apparently, after the murder, the school was then made into an all boy school.  
He came to a desolate and badly damaged building, it was 2 stories originally, but had fallen down as it got older. The door was still open, so Chris assumed that Douglas was in there.  
As he walked in, he called Douglas’ name. It echoed  down the corridor and into the ghost classroom which stood before him. Rubble from the floor above had blocked the stairs, so Chris would have to find another way to get up. He began to wonder if Douglas was here at all. He crept into the ghost-like classroom. The chairs and tables were surprisingly still standing, and a blackboard had unfinished maths problem on it.  The classroom seemed in rather good condition, apart from the floor above crushing the empty desks on the left and side. The teachers desk seemed like a good way of getting to the other floor; the ledge was just low enough for Chris to grab onto. As Chris pulled himself up onto the floor above, he looked around him. It was so deserted here, why would anyone come here?  
“Douglas? You here?” Chris called, coughing a little from the falling plaster. He treaded carefully around the place, ensuring not to break anything else in the room. He was now in some kind of corridor with several different doors which Chris assumed lead to different rooms. Chris paused a moment to think. Where else would he be if not here. After thinking, Chris heard some sniffling. He raced towards it, hoping to find Douglas.   
Chris burst into the empty dorm room where Douglas was hiding. He was sitting curled up on a bed, looking very similar to those used in hospitals.

“Douglas!” Chris said happily and raced towards him.  
Douglas turned around quickly, almost catching Chris with the pen knife he had in his hand.  
Chris examined Douglas briefly. He seemed to have some cut marks on his arms and they seemed fresh.  
“Have you used that?!” Chris asked, staying back from him.  
“yeah.” Douglas sighed and held it in the air. The knife caught the light and shone. It was sharp and blood surrounded the blade.  
“Why?”  
“Im fed up of this. This whole bullying me thing. I hate it.”Douglas said, cutting himself again.  
Chris watched as the blade cut into Douglas, producing a lot of blood.  
Chris began to feel mildly ill.   
“Why? Why won’t you let me tell them?”Chris said, holding his head slightly.  
“Because they wont believe me!”  
“They will.” Chris said, coming closer to him. He wanted to hug his friend. It usually helped.  
“No!” Douglas screamed and pushed Chris away. As he pushed Chris, he caught his arm with the knife.  
Chris looked at the wound on his arm. It was beginning to bleed very heavily.  
Douglas gasped and apologised. “Chrissy, Im sorry.”  
“Its, its fine.”Chris said, feeling very weak. ‘ _What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel like im going to pass out any minute?’_  
Douglas must have noticed Chris’ colour change, as he then asked what was wrong.  
“Nothing…I…”Chris began, but felt himself fading away.  
“Chris?” Douglas asked, walking over to him.  
Chris didn’t have the strength to answer and felt himself falling to the floor.


End file.
